Finally the moment we've all been waiting for! The 2006-07 KFBA lottery is here. Schottsie reporting live in overcast Secaucus, NJ with his annual diary of the drama, the pageantry, the hoopla, the, well, you get the idea.

Who will be lucky enough to get the #1 pick in the KFBA? We are moments away from finding out.

The Colonel is coming to the podium to announce the first pick. Everybody shoosh!

And the first pick goes to the Lenacrave SkyyKings of the Crazy 88s!!! All 30 of the fans here in Secaucus are going wild! Unfortunately, Lenacrave's GM, mbrown3877 is not here with us tonight, but I think we have some footage of fans watching inside the spacious SkyyKingdome... yes, they are in frenzy!

I am sure we will have an official statement from... wait, what is that Broham? We have him on the line now? Okay, we have the winning GM on the line now. Go ahead, mbrown3877.

Mbrown3877: Woooooo! This is great, Schottsie. We have the number one freakin' pick. And what a year to get it.

Schottsie: First of all congratulations to you and your franchise. I know this is all happening rather quickly, but have you given any thought to whom you might draft?

Mbrown3877: Have I given it any thought? I already know who I'm drafting. The greatest big man the game has ever seen--my man Greg Oden!

Schottsie: Um, you do realize that due to the new Collective Bargaining Agreement, this is the first year that no high schoolers can be drafted. So Oden's going to Ohio State for a year before joining the KFBA.

Mbrown3877: What are you talking about? Did you see what LeBron and Dwight Howard have been doing? Give me his rights for next year, then.

Schottsie: I will double check with the Colonel but I'm sure that is not allowed either. Isn't there another player you'd like at number one?

Mbrown3877: We'll cross that Bron when we get to it. But I'm not giving up on this.

Wait, Broham is telling me that the first four rounds of the drafts have already been set. The first and second were determined by postseason success--or lack thereof--and the third and fourth by regular season record. So what we are handing out today are actually the first picks of the fifth round. But we're calling it the lottery for marketing purposes.

The Colonel did the honors for the first pick, but has since disappeared. Was it the twenty-four Yuenglings he's pounded or the Hippie Bluegrass fest a few towns over? We may never know. Since Broham's hands are too shaky to operate the ping pong ball machine (even when sober), we'll hand over the duties to the beautiful Ms. Anna Ova, for the second year in a row.

As Ms. Anna Ova prepares to choose some more balls, let me ask our draft day analysts, Broham and Doug, for their thoughts on the draft

Schottsie: So Broham, screw the fifth round. What are your thoughts on next year's number one overall pick in Kentucky Fried leagues?

Broham: I'm pretty sure every league will have either Kobe or LeBron going up top. Kobe's 1.171 last year was phenomenal and he qualifies as a guard. But LeBron's going to continue getting better. From the perspective of improving on his 1.129, though, you have to wonder what happens if the Cavaliers are able to surround him with good shooters.

Schottsie: What about Amare Stoudemire?

Broham: Amare's a unique player and he's certainly enough of a true scorer that he's got a legitimate chance to put up the highest average next season, but he's not really going to be a consideration with the top pick. He's a huge injury risk at this point. We've never seen someone truly recover from micro facture surgery. Chris Webber and Jason Kidd represent the best case scenarios so far, but they're still not the same players they were in their primes. And if you look at the downside, well, just look at Penny Hardaway's fall from grace. He was an All-NBA player with his own shoes.

Doug: You do realize the first rookie or two gets selected in the fifth round.

Schottsie: Only one KFBA rookie has ever been a first round pick; I took LeBron James at number fifteen, and while I don't regret the decision, I do have a big, sweaty man crush on Bron. I mean come on, he didn't even hit .900 in his rookie season.

Doug: The exception.

Broham: Actually if you look at the Original Recipe last year, both Andrew Bogut and Chris Paul were selected in the fourth.

Doug: Well owners in the Original Recipe have hard-ons for rookies. If you look across the Association you'll see the fifth is a more reasonable round to break in the rooks.

This just in: Ms. Jeanie Buss brought her lucky rock today.

Apparently, it was a gift from the Zenmaster. Let's hope it brings some good Karma today.

Ms. Ana Ova drew Leigh's Drunk in Puerto Rico squad with the second ball of the morning. They are now the proud owners of the first pick of the fifth round in the Fantashizzle Basket Bizzle. The Minister of Defense is here in person today. Let's get his thoughts.

Schottsie: The whole association wants to know, who's higher on your draft board, Eddy Curry or Rip Hamilton?

Leigh: Curry's a Knick. But not like the name 'Nick.' Saint Nick, like. The basketball teams spells it with a 'k,' but you can't tell with your ears.

Hmm. Looks like the Colonel's back. Let's see if we can get him to answer some tough questions.

Schottsie: Why did the NBA hold the draft lottery in Secaucus, NJ? And why did we copy them?

Colonel: David Stlern? Heee's zee man!

Schottsie: How many beers have you had today, Colonel?

Colonel: There's beers? Where? Somebody get me a beer!

We've lost the Colonel here for a little while as he takes care of other priorities.

With the third ball of the event, Ms Ana Ova has drawn... the Geneva World Trade Organization from the Even More Cowbell league!

It appears we have a live video feed from the WTO here today:

Looks like they have a peculiar way of celebrating-it's very similar, I'm told, to how they express their support for world trade. Let's get their GM, Younggod on the line:

Younggod: Hello?

Schottsie: Here's the 20 million dollar question: How the heck did Taylor Hicks win American Idol? And when they realize he is over 30, what happens then?

Younggod: Eh... je ne sais pas American Idol.

Schottsie: Really? Tell me then: Why didn't Chris Daughtry win?

Younggod: Bien. Au revoir.

Sheesh! Difficult interviews today. Let's get back to our in-house draft analysts.

Schottsie: What do you think of this year's rookie crop? Who has the best chance of going Chris Paul on everyone?

Broham: Its possible this Bargnani guy takes the league by storm. Remember that Gasol posted an .865 his rookie season and Colangelo has a knack for drafting talent. Generally speaking it's the guys with size who get rebounds and putbacks and the guys who score that do well KF wise. If LaMarcus Aldrige grabs just 7 or 8 boards a game, he's going to have a pretty decent average even if he's just OK on the offensive end.

Doug: Brandon Roy's probably going to be more Mo Pete than Chris Paul. But Rajon Rondo could surprise.

The Colonel has meandered back to the commentators desk. Let's get his thoughts.

Schottsie: Tell me Colonel, what are you thoughts on this year's rookies?

Colonel: Whatzz that?

Schottsie: What rookie is going to have the best average?

Colonel: Maybe Adam Morrison? If he gets into a good situation where theyz asking him to score all the time you know he's going crazy! Crazy! Crazy! What about Shelden Williams? He's a big strongbad. Four years of college. Woooo! Probably get suckered into LaMarcus Aldrige...he could be a bust...

Schottsie: Woooo!

Looks like some Duke fans are challenging the Geneva fans to a chug-off.

To be honest, I'm not even sure what Duke fans are doing here. This event just gets wilder and wilder every year.

The fourth ball selected by the talented Ms. Anna Ova is for the LCMD Greyhounds of the Johnnie Walker league. Their GM, Amccabe, has reportedly not been seen since a fateful weekend in early October. That might be one reason the team stumbled to a 1-15 record this season. Ouch! At least the top pick of the fifth should help a new GM restore pride to the franchise.

Let's ask Ms. Anna Ova her thoughts.

Schottsie: So tell me Ms. Anna Ova, could this be the year that a Buffalo professional sports team finally wins a title?

Ms. Anna Ova: I hear its cold in Buffalo.

Schottsie: Interesting. Do you think Jason Terry made the leap last year?

Ms. Anna Ova: I'm not sure I understand the question. What leap?

Schottsie: Some deep thoughts to chew on from Ms Anna Ova, ladies and gentlemen. And while we're at it, how about a round of applause for the Clippers' season? Let's hope the team stays together.

The fifth overall ball selected, Ms. Anna Ova tells us, is for Kamego's Krushers of the BBB.net league. Congratulations Kamego!

The gentleman representing Kamego's Krushers sure is excited today.

Looks like the Colonel has called in some comrades from the Red Army to provide extra security for today's events. Probably a good thing considering how out-of-hand some of these fans are getting.

While the Colonel's henchmen were stomping out subversives, Ms. Anna Ova compiled the results for the first pick of the fifth in each respective league....here are the results:

Congratulations to all, and don't forget to check KFBA.net as the lottery continues throughout the month of June. Look for the ticker on the home page.